Soooo it's going on a month since I actually saw this movie, but I'm still gonna review it because that's what I do, dammit. When I'm not doing something else. Or anything else, really. Whatever. I'm reviewing it now and that's all that matters. And then I can get on with writing opera commentaries and my X-Men: First Class review. And then I can see Green Lantern and weep bitter, bitter tears because it's apparently not the mind-blowingly awesome thrill-ride I hoped it would be.
I hate it when that happens.
In any case, Everything Must Go didn't get a wide release, so chances are you didn't hear much about it unless you've got a thing for low-key indie movies. So here's the trailer. Long story short: Will Ferrell plays Nick Halsey, a man who loses his job of sixteen years and then goes home to find that his wife (who is nowhere to be found) has changed the locks on their house and left all of his belongings out on the front lawn. Over the course of the movie, he befriends Biggie Smalls' son (no, seriously) and a pregnant lady who just moved in across the street, and turns the front lawn situation into a yard sale. The trailer gives it the appearance of an offbeat comedy about a man who is faced with Job-like trials but eventually learns that happiness doesn't come from your possessions blah blah blah and then he adopts Biggie Jr. and everyone hugs.
To the movie's credit, however, it reeeeally doesn't turn out that way.
I suppose I should be up front about something here: I'm not a big Will Ferrell fan. I can take him in small doses (like sketch comedy or cameo roles), but he's hardly ever my favorite part of any of his star vehicles. (Before you ask: no, I haven't seen Elf.) While I don't generally consider myself to be a humor snob, I can't help but notice that his main comedic tactic seems to be something along the lines of "I AM USING MY OUTSIDE VOICE IN A SITUATION WHICH WOULD NOT NORMALLY CALL FOR IT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (And yes, I know that not all of those clips are Will Ferrell. But you get the idea.) Along the obnoxious scale, I find it to be somewhat akin to that one face that Jim Carrey makes in all of the horrifically awful cinematic abominations he calls "comedies"--you know, the one that screams "LOOK AT MY FACE! LOOK HOW WACKY I AM! LAUGH, YOU SLACK-JAWED ASSHOLES!"
And that's the problem. If you have to inform your audience that you're being hilarious or zany, chances are you're doing it wrong.
What I will say for Mr. Ferrell, however, is that he has a killer deadpan. Ridiculous things are (almost) always funnier when said with a completely straight face (see: River Tam) because it's so unexpected--and the whole point of comedy is to undermine expectations. By that logic, however, Everything Must Go should have been a pretty hilarious movie, because Will Ferrell doing an understated dramatic role is pretty unexpected. And you know what? He actually does a damn good job.
It's not going to win an Oscar for Best Picture or anything, because it's not that sort of film. The Oscars go for big things: big emotions, larger-than-life people/events, etc. This movie, on the other hand, takes a huge problem for millions of people worldwide and views it through the lens of a single, relatively unremarkable man. See, the thing that you don't really get from the trailer is that there's actually a reason for Nick's misfortunes throughout the movie. It's not a movie about a man with the worst luck in the world (that's been done already); it's a movie about alcoholism.
One of the things that I like so much about Everything Must Go is that it doesn't just come out and explain everything right away. You're dropped into a man's life on a day where everything is going wrong, but not really given much backstory or explanation. As the movie goes on, however, you see and hear things that fill in the holes--and you realize that the main character actually pretty much has it coming.
I also really like that the movie never reaches the histrionic emotional excesses of a number of other movies I've seen about alcoholism. I mean, there's some anger and there are a few confrontations, but for the most part it stays pretty low-key. You get the impression that Nick needs a steady stream of alcohol to feel like he's in control of his life, and yeah, he's kind of a dick sometimes, but his ugly side doesn't really show itself until he runs out of beer. It's a necessary reminder that a person doesn't have to be stumbling drunk all the time to be an alcoholic--Nick needs alcohol to operate at normal capacity, because that's what addiction does to people.
In general, the overall message of Everything Must Go seems to be that no matter how badly you fuck up your life, it's never too late to make a change for the better. It's by turns funny, depressing, and uncomfortable to watch, but it's remarkably emotionally honest. It's probably not in theaters anymore, but it's quite worthwhile if you feel like renting it.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Operagasm: Don Giovanni
So, some of you may be wondering why I haven't posted anything here in over two weeks. Or maybe not. Maybe you're wondering why men have nipples, or why Adam Sandler hasn't yet been put to death for his crimes against humanity. I can't say I blame you--I've wondered about both of those things myself, and for quite some time. But whatever the case, I have been remiss in my duties as a purveyor of fine snark, and I feel that you loyal readers deserve some actual content after my unannounced hiatus.
In any case, the past week and a half has seen me move from Silver Spring to Binghamton, learn an entire opera role, and scamper off to Astoria to stay with my sister for six weeks while I do an opera program that will culminate in my New York City debut as Masetto in Don Giovanni. So yeah, it's been pretty damn busy--hence the cobwebs you might see appearing in the corners of the blog.
But no more! Now that I've more or less settled in, I thought it seemed like the perfect time to provide some commentary on my actual profession, as opposed to just blathering on about movies and comics and time travel like I usually do. I've still got two movies to review (X-Men: First Class is great and full of MANLY TEARS), but fuck it. I'd rather do this right now.
So! Let's talk about Don Giovanni.
If you don't know the story, you can familiarize yourself here. If you're too lazy to read the whole synopsis, however, it goes something like this: Don Giovanni is the mack-daddy to end all mack-daddies (that's the hip slang that all of today's youngsters are using, right?), and he spends pretty much every waking moment looking for places to stick his junk. The first scene has him raping a woman (Donna Anna) and killing her father (the Commendatore), and he pretty much spends the rest of the opera trying to get laid, getting cock-blocked by a vengeful ex (Donna Elvira), and avoiding the large numbers of people who want to kill his bitch ass dead (i.e. everyone except his servant Leporello) because he's a rapist and a murderer and whatnot. Eventually, he meets a living statue of the man he murdered and invites it to dinner at his house because why the fuck not. The statue shows up and literally drags him to hell, and then the other characters show up and sing a final sextet giving the moral of the story: "Thus ends the life of he who does evil."
Okay. That's a noble sentiment and all, but I'm afraid it's a tad misleading. Think of it this way:
Don Giovanni was extremely good at two things: getting laid and evading capture. His list of conquests adds up to over two thousand women from all over Europe (hell, he even boned ninety-one in Turkey), so it's pretty reasonable to assume that the lynch mobs he faces over the course of the opera aren't the first he's ever had to deal with. It's not clear if he had actually killed anyone before shanking the Commendatore, but he has two instances of attempted (possibly successful?) rape within the first act alone, so it's pretty clear that that's his standard course of action when regular seduction fails. Now, rape is the sort of thing that attracts attention--in fact, it's the sort of thing that makes people want to hunt you down and cut off your junk--so it's almost certain that people have tried to kill him on numerous occasions. And yet, he's still going strong after 2,065 catalogued conquests--with every indication that he'll keep boning his way around Europe until he keels over from a heart attack at age 70 while he's balls-deep in a buxom tavern wench. This is a man who is absurdly good at escaping justice.
So really, the moral of the opera isn't "don't be a murderous sociopath with a taste for rape," because that's not what gets him killed. The moral should be "DON'T BE A FUCKING MORON."
Don Giovanni is an idiot who invites his own death. Literally. He's walking through a graveyard and hears a disembodied voice predicting his doom, and then runs smack into a statue of the Commendatore--a statue which A) has a foreboding inscription swearing vengeance upon the man's murderer, and B) may or may not be alive. So he invites the statue to dinner. AND THEN IT NODS. AND SAYS "YES." Now, the normal reaction to that would be something like "Holy SHIT it's time to get the fuck out of here," but Don Giovanni's reaction is more along the lines of "Whoa, it said yes! This is going to be the coolest dinner EVER. " And then he goes home, even though everyone in Seville is looking for him and wants him dead.
Seriously, it's like he's lost all will to live by the second half of Act Two. Elvira finds him at home and basically tells him that he needs to repent for his crimes, and he just laughs at her until she leaves. He doesn't seem to care that she could tell everyone else where he's hiding. Aaaaaand then the statue of the Commendatore shows up, and Don Giovanni is all like "Hey, Leporello, bring some food for our guest!" instead of shitting himself like anyone with half a brain would. Then the statue invites Don Giovanni to come have dinner at its place, and the jackass says yes. And then, even as the statue has him by the hand and is about to drag him down to hell for an eternity of suffering, it gives him one last chance to repent and possibly save his soul.
Guess what Don Giovanni's response is.
The guy's like a troll on an internet message board who just won't stop being a dick even as the moderator is about to ban him. In fact, I'm pretty sure that some newer English translations of the opera have him shouting "I DID IT FOR THE LUUUUUUULZ" as he's being dragged down to hell.
In fact, that internet stuff makes me wonder: if someone were to take Don Giovanni and adapt it for modern audiences, what sort of wacky hijinks would ensue?
Durden Giovanni: Leporello is an unhappy, unsuccessful young man with a boring life and a terrible job--but one day, everything changes. He gets fired, he loses his house, and he meets an enigmatic young nobleman named Don Giovanni, who hires him as a servant. Giovanni is everything Leporello wishes he could be: charming, handsome, rich, and knee-deep in bitches. For the first time ever, things are looking up for Leporello--until the Don's sexcapades finally piss off the wrong people, and Leporello wakes up in his master's clothes. Suddenly, everyone wants Don Giovanni dead--and everyone seems to agree that Leporello looks exactly like the man they're looking for. Leporello has to figure out what's going on, and discover Don Giovanni's dark secret before it's too late.
Notable Quotes: "You broke our agreement, Leporello. You talked to Elvira about the List."
Rated R for language, drug use, and graphic sexual content.
D. N. Jovanimasu: Sousuke is a normal high school student with a big problem: whenever he gets aroused, he transforms into Donu Jovanimasu, the Phantom Pervert! He tries to keep a low profile, but Eruvira-senpai (the school's resident nymphomaniac) knows his secret, and wants to turn him into her own personal sex slave! To make matters worse, Sousuke is being pursued by the mysterious Komenu-Datore, a killer robot who has a score to settle with Donu Jovanimasu! Oh, and there's some tentacle rape, too. Will Sousuke ever be able to confess his true feelings for the beautiful Anna-kun, or will his alter-ego's numerous enemies and admirers get to him first??
Notable Quotes: "WATASHI WA DONU JOVANIMASUUUUUUUUU"
For mature viewers only.
This series will never air in the United States. Ever.
"Don Juan," from Old Spice: "Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back to your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me--but he could smell like me, if he stopped being cuckolded long enough to buy Old Spice's Don Juan deodorant. Look down. Look up. You're now pregnant with my child. I'm on a horse! And it's riding out of your life forever. Peace out."
Available now!
This blog post IS NOW DIAMONDS.
In any case, the past week and a half has seen me move from Silver Spring to Binghamton, learn an entire opera role, and scamper off to Astoria to stay with my sister for six weeks while I do an opera program that will culminate in my New York City debut as Masetto in Don Giovanni. So yeah, it's been pretty damn busy--hence the cobwebs you might see appearing in the corners of the blog.
But no more! Now that I've more or less settled in, I thought it seemed like the perfect time to provide some commentary on my actual profession, as opposed to just blathering on about movies and comics and time travel like I usually do. I've still got two movies to review (X-Men: First Class is great and full of MANLY TEARS), but fuck it. I'd rather do this right now.
So! Let's talk about Don Giovanni.
If you don't know the story, you can familiarize yourself here. If you're too lazy to read the whole synopsis, however, it goes something like this: Don Giovanni is the mack-daddy to end all mack-daddies (that's the hip slang that all of today's youngsters are using, right?), and he spends pretty much every waking moment looking for places to stick his junk. The first scene has him raping a woman (Donna Anna) and killing her father (the Commendatore), and he pretty much spends the rest of the opera trying to get laid, getting cock-blocked by a vengeful ex (Donna Elvira), and avoiding the large numbers of people who want to kill his bitch ass dead (i.e. everyone except his servant Leporello) because he's a rapist and a murderer and whatnot. Eventually, he meets a living statue of the man he murdered and invites it to dinner at his house because why the fuck not. The statue shows up and literally drags him to hell, and then the other characters show up and sing a final sextet giving the moral of the story: "Thus ends the life of he who does evil."
Okay. That's a noble sentiment and all, but I'm afraid it's a tad misleading. Think of it this way:
Don Giovanni was extremely good at two things: getting laid and evading capture. His list of conquests adds up to over two thousand women from all over Europe (hell, he even boned ninety-one in Turkey), so it's pretty reasonable to assume that the lynch mobs he faces over the course of the opera aren't the first he's ever had to deal with. It's not clear if he had actually killed anyone before shanking the Commendatore, but he has two instances of attempted (possibly successful?) rape within the first act alone, so it's pretty clear that that's his standard course of action when regular seduction fails. Now, rape is the sort of thing that attracts attention--in fact, it's the sort of thing that makes people want to hunt you down and cut off your junk--so it's almost certain that people have tried to kill him on numerous occasions. And yet, he's still going strong after 2,065 catalogued conquests--with every indication that he'll keep boning his way around Europe until he keels over from a heart attack at age 70 while he's balls-deep in a buxom tavern wench. This is a man who is absurdly good at escaping justice.
So really, the moral of the opera isn't "don't be a murderous sociopath with a taste for rape," because that's not what gets him killed. The moral should be "DON'T BE A FUCKING MORON."
Don Giovanni is an idiot who invites his own death. Literally. He's walking through a graveyard and hears a disembodied voice predicting his doom, and then runs smack into a statue of the Commendatore--a statue which A) has a foreboding inscription swearing vengeance upon the man's murderer, and B) may or may not be alive. So he invites the statue to dinner. AND THEN IT NODS. AND SAYS "YES." Now, the normal reaction to that would be something like "Holy SHIT it's time to get the fuck out of here," but Don Giovanni's reaction is more along the lines of "Whoa, it said yes! This is going to be the coolest dinner EVER. " And then he goes home, even though everyone in Seville is looking for him and wants him dead.
Seriously, it's like he's lost all will to live by the second half of Act Two. Elvira finds him at home and basically tells him that he needs to repent for his crimes, and he just laughs at her until she leaves. He doesn't seem to care that she could tell everyone else where he's hiding. Aaaaaand then the statue of the Commendatore shows up, and Don Giovanni is all like "Hey, Leporello, bring some food for our guest!" instead of shitting himself like anyone with half a brain would. Then the statue invites Don Giovanni to come have dinner at its place, and the jackass says yes. And then, even as the statue has him by the hand and is about to drag him down to hell for an eternity of suffering, it gives him one last chance to repent and possibly save his soul.
Guess what Don Giovanni's response is.
The guy's like a troll on an internet message board who just won't stop being a dick even as the moderator is about to ban him. In fact, I'm pretty sure that some newer English translations of the opera have him shouting "I DID IT FOR THE LUUUUUUULZ" as he's being dragged down to hell.
In fact, that internet stuff makes me wonder: if someone were to take Don Giovanni and adapt it for modern audiences, what sort of wacky hijinks would ensue?
Durden Giovanni: Leporello is an unhappy, unsuccessful young man with a boring life and a terrible job--but one day, everything changes. He gets fired, he loses his house, and he meets an enigmatic young nobleman named Don Giovanni, who hires him as a servant. Giovanni is everything Leporello wishes he could be: charming, handsome, rich, and knee-deep in bitches. For the first time ever, things are looking up for Leporello--until the Don's sexcapades finally piss off the wrong people, and Leporello wakes up in his master's clothes. Suddenly, everyone wants Don Giovanni dead--and everyone seems to agree that Leporello looks exactly like the man they're looking for. Leporello has to figure out what's going on, and discover Don Giovanni's dark secret before it's too late.
Notable Quotes: "You broke our agreement, Leporello. You talked to Elvira about the List."
Rated R for language, drug use, and graphic sexual content.
D. N. Jovanimasu: Sousuke is a normal high school student with a big problem: whenever he gets aroused, he transforms into Donu Jovanimasu, the Phantom Pervert! He tries to keep a low profile, but Eruvira-senpai (the school's resident nymphomaniac) knows his secret, and wants to turn him into her own personal sex slave! To make matters worse, Sousuke is being pursued by the mysterious Komenu-Datore, a killer robot who has a score to settle with Donu Jovanimasu! Oh, and there's some tentacle rape, too. Will Sousuke ever be able to confess his true feelings for the beautiful Anna-kun, or will his alter-ego's numerous enemies and admirers get to him first??
Notable Quotes: "WATASHI WA DONU JOVANIMASUUUUUUUUU"
For mature viewers only.
This series will never air in the United States. Ever.
"Don Juan," from Old Spice: "Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back to your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me--but he could smell like me, if he stopped being cuckolded long enough to buy Old Spice's Don Juan deodorant. Look down. Look up. You're now pregnant with my child. I'm on a horse! And it's riding out of your life forever. Peace out."
Available now!
This blog post IS NOW DIAMONDS.
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