It struck me the other day that DC Comics has a lot in common with the Vatican: one organization tells us stories about a superhuman paragon of truth and justice sent to save the world, and the other publishes comics about Superman.
See what I did there?
(Yeah, it's gonna be another sacrilegious post. Buckle up, dear readers.)
The similarities don't end there, of course, or this would be a pretty short post. As my nerdier readers already know, DC Comics recently introduced their New 52 initiative – a company-wide reboot of all their ongoing titles that's designed to bring in new readers (whether or not it's been successful depends on whom you ask). Meanwhile, the Catholic Church has also shaken things up with the recent debut of the Third Edition of the Roman Missal – a new English translation of the Mass that's designed to be closer to the original Latin text (whether or not it's been successful depends on whom you ask). Both events have generated a lot of debate, because if there are two groups of people who despise change, it's nerds and Catholics (and possibly also Republicans).
So! Here's my run-down of the important points of the New 52 and the new Roman Missal. Turns out there's a lot of overlap between the two.
Point 1: Don't panic; it's still business as usual.
Nothing much has changed, really. Sure, there are some surface changes – the new costumes, updated backstories, that “and with your spirit” crap – but you're still getting the same basic stories of kicking ass and breaking bread. Batman is still Bruce Wayne; Jesus is still the only begotten Son of God. The important things never change. As a very wise website once told me, “Status Quo is God” – which brings me to the next point:
Point 2: Old is the new New!
The New 52 and the new mass translation aren't actually steps toward the future so much as steps in a larger plan to recapture past glory – DC Comics and Pope Benedict are both big fans of something I like to call “retrogressive progress” (i.e. “nostalgia masquerading as the wave of the future”). In DC's case, we've already seen that idea in practice with their legacy superheroes: newer incarnations of Batman, the Flash, the Atom, and many others have been killed off / pushed aside so that their Golden- / Silver-Age versions can make triumphant returns from retirement / the grave / both. The New 52 is an extension of that idea: instead of letting continuity move forward naturally, DC has re-started their entire universe – ostensibly to reach out to new fans, but also in large part so they can go back to the way things used to be. Remember when Barbara Gordon was a badass wheelchair-bound tech support genius who led DC's foremost all-female superhero team? Me neither! Now she's Batgirl again, because Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown aren't the original article so who gives a shit.
Similarly, the New Roman Missal is meant to “fix” the English translation of the mass, which has been working perfectly well for longer than I've been alive. The modifications are meant to bring the text back to a more literal translation of the Latin, which I really don't have much of a problem with because I know what “consubstantial” means – even if my word processor apparently doesn't. A few minor quibbles with the text aside (I don't care if “chalice” is the literal translation of “calix”; “cup” works better because Jesus probably didn't have an actual chalice with him at the Last Supper), I don't think that the new mass is a particularly big deal. You have to memorize new responses? Deal with it. I memorize stuff for a living, and most of it isn't even in English. My only real problem with the new translation is that it's a mole-hill which is swiftly being made into a mountain, while other important issues are being largely ignored.
What issues, you ask?
Point 3: Women.
Another thing that DC and the Vatican have in common is that they have no idea how to deal with women, and all the "new directions" in the world haven't done anything to change that. To be fair, though, who does know how to deal with women? Their ovaries and hormones and shit are way out of hand. First we let them vote, and then they want to be treated as equals in the eyes of God and portrayed in comics as something other than busty, hip-cocking sluts who buy their crime-fighting outfits at Strippers' Discount Warehouse.
Bitches, man. Amirite?
Sarcasm aside, I'm just going to come out and say it: we should put our common humanity before our gender. While men and women have different bodies and (frequently) differing behavioral patterns, we all have feelings and desires and talents that often have nothing to do with what set of genitals we were born with. There's no reason in the world why writers and artists can't treat fictional women as more than a pair of improbably large breasts, and there's also no reason why women should be unfit to be altar servers or even Catholic priests (aside from “BECAUSE WE SAID SO”). News flash: just because certain things “have always been that way” doesn't mean they have to stay that way.
Point 4: People have strong feelings on the subject.
Considering my usual reader demographic, there's probably about a sixty percent chance that something I said in this post offended you. If that's the case, please direct your angry replies here.
Peace be with you... and with your spirit.
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