Cinema Snark: Harry Potter and the Massive Box Office Returns

Funny thing about Harry Potter movies: they're pretty much guaranteed to do well, regardless of whether or not they're any good. Regardless of what reviewers say, or what the fans may think of the movie (I'm looking at you, Half-Blood Prince. Leave out the climactic battle scene my ass.), people are still going to shell out money hand-over-fist to see these films. I could call it the worst movie since From Justin to Kelly and it wouldn't mean a damn thing, but that's because I'm not a real movie reviewer and the three people who read this blog have probably already seen it. So, to make a more valid point: Roger Ebert could say that this is the worst movie ever made in the history of the universe, like the ungodly cinematic spawn of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale and Bloodrayne 2, with a little Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull thrown in for an extra kick in the balls, and everyone in the world would still go see it. Hell, I'd probably go see it for the sole purpose of seeing for myself if it really was that bad.

In any case, it's not actually bad. In fact, considering what it is, it's pretty good. It certainly looks fantastic, with the exception of a few overly CGI-laden shots that hurt the atmosphere more than they help. The main problem I had with the movie is the same problem I had with the first half of the book: since it's not actually set at Hogwarts, the framing structure offered by life in a boarding school is completely gone. There's a lot of travel and camping out in rural locations, but there's really no indication that they're heading in any particular direction, and they generally have no goal other than "We have to find and destroy the Horcruxes. But we don't know where they are or how to destroy them. [awkward silence] ....yeah, we're pretty much fucked."

There are several setpieces that serve to advance the plot, which are well-executed and entertaining, but there's a lot of dead space. There's also a puzzling scene in which Harry kinda turns into Peter Parker from Spiderman 3, what with the angst and the inexplicable dancing. Maybe one of the Horcruxes is going to turn out to be an alien symbiote. (That clicking you hear is the sound of a million fangirls suddenly typing out Peter/Harry slash fanfics.) The mood is suitably bleak for most of the movie, though, and it has a lot of cool action scenes, but there are also a couple important things that happen off-screen and are only referenced later. I'd have to re-read the book to refresh my memory on how those things are supposed to happen.

My favorite scene is the diner "shootout" near the beginning, because it reminds you that Hogwarts and all these wizards and witches and shit are supposed to exist in the real world. You see glimpses of it in the books and movies, but it's generally just in passing, and it's nice to see magical conflict spill over into the non-magical (I refuse to say "Muggle") world. It felt a little Tarantino-ish, and I liked that. Similarly, I liked all the uses of magic without incantation, like Hermione flicking her wand over her shoulder and blowing shit up. It feels more visceral, and also serves to denote the ability of anyone who does it (it's established in the earlier books that only powerful witches and wizards can cast spells silently). It makes magic feel much more like a powerful force that you have to bend to your will, instead of sparkly lights that happen when you shout mangled Latin.

Actually, scratch that. My favorite part of the movie was the animation that they used for the fairy tale of the Deathly Hallows. It was somewhere between the puppet bedtime story from Hellboy II and this little gem, which was nominated for an Oscar. I like creepy animated segments. They're pretty awesome.

And of course, this being a Harry Potter movie, its full of accomplished actors and actresses who don't get nearly enough screen time. Brendan Gleason and Alan Rickman are fantastic as always, and Ralph Fiennes really seems to be enjoying the chance to be completely and utterly batshit insane. I look forward to more Snape in the next movie, because he gets some really great stuff in the book. Also, the second movie will be a return to more familiar locales, so we'll get to see more members of the supporting cast - and hopefully the pacing problems won't be an issue, because the second half of the book is more action-packed anyway.

So, yeah, you should go see it. It's a cultural phenomenon and the like, and it's not half bad. Of course, my previous comment still stands: you've probably all seen it already anyway.

As a side note: Shortly before seeing HP7, I commented to a certain ginger midget that I would probably be the most badass person at the midnight showing. Not that I'm usually particularly cool, but my proximity to so many pasty cosplayers would probably make me look like the goddamn Fonz himself. Damned if I wasn't right. [End narcissism here.]