Cinema Snark: The Rite

You know, most reviewers write and publish their reviews before a new film opens in wide release, rather than two weeks after they see the movie. Clearly, I'm not cut out for the fast-paced, cutthroat world of professional movie reviewing. (You can relax, MovieBob and Scott Tobias; I'm putting the knives away. For now.)

So. Down to business.

The Rite isn't a perfect film, I'll say that much, but I'd have to disagree with most critics and say that it's not actually a bad one. One of the most common complaints that I've read about this movie is that it isn't scary enough, but that's really not the point. Yes, this is a film about exorcism, but the story is less "man vs. the devil" than "man struggles with his faith." Most exorcism movies focus on a single "patient" (Regan MacNeil, Emily Rose, etc.), whereas The Rite has three, all of whom receive individual spiritual treatment with varying degrees of success.

Why so many? Why the lack of a single demonic antagonist? Because The Rite isn't actually a horror movie. Sure, there are demonic possessions and disembodied voices and Anthony Hopkins being creepy, but the real story at the center of the film is the protagonist's journey from skeptic to believer. It's less an "exorcism movie" than a "religious movie that happens to use exorcisms as a way to keep things interesting."

The problem with that, however, is that religious movies don't do well at the box office unless they're pretentiously glorified torture porn films with dialogue in dead languages. So instead of telling people what the movie was really like, The Rite was advertised as a straight-up, no-holds-barred, this-shit-will-make-you-void-your-bowels-in-the-theater horror film. (The trailer includes several things that aren't actually in the final cut of the movie.) Hence the widespread disappointment from horror fans.

The Rite is based on a book by journalist Matt Baglio, which follows an American priest as he takes a course on exorcism in Rome and is subsequently apprenticed to a seasoned Italian exorcist. The book supposedly dispels a number of myths about exorcism and demonic possession, avoiding Hollywood-style sensationalism and attempting to give readers insight into a mysterious and often misunderstood Church practice. This sort of thing isn't everyone's cup of tea, especially if you're the type of person that loves head-spinning and copious amounts of pea soup. But now, the book that was trying to escape the tropes of the movie genre has been made into a pretty high-profile movie.

Oh, the irony.

There are few things I like more than a really good horror flick, but I tend to think that the best possible exorcism movie would be a documentary (and I mean an actual one, not a shaky-cam mockumentary like The Last Exorcism). The Rite falls in an interesting in-between zone: it takes a much more academic approach to the fight against evil than your average scary movie, but it also provides some fun supernatural bits which are probably a bit over-the-top for theological purists. Obviously, there was a compromise made between the intent and tone of the source material and the watchability factor of a big-screen adaptation. For the most part, I think it works.

Colin O'Donoghue plays Michael Kovak, the son of a funeral home director who uses the seminary as a way to escape his father's line of work--the only problem is that he isn't even sure that he believes in God. When Michael tries to back out shortly before taking his vows, his mentor convinces him (or blackmails him, depending on your point of view) to take a course on the rite of exorcism in Rome before making a final decision to leave the religious life behind. Michael remains unconvinced by the course, and Father Ciaran Hinds (because honestly, nobody's going to remember his character's name) tells him that he might learn more by following around this old Welsh exorcist. So he goes to meet this "Father Lucas" fellow and OH SHIT IT'S ANTHONY HOPKINS. Michael observes Father Lucas performing a couple exorcisms, maintaining that the people in question need a doctor instead of a priest, but is finally convinced of the reality of God and the Devil after occult forces spend about an hour waving their arms at him and going "HELLO LOOK AT US WE ARE DEMONS LOOK WHAT WE CAN DO WHY AREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTIOOONNNNN"

God, skeptics in horror movies are always such morons.

Also, Matt Baglio's cinematic equivalent also shows up, played by Alice Braga for some reason. Thankfully, the relationship between Kovak and the surprisingly attractive journalist stays platonic; while Kovak isn't a priest yet, he spends so much time in priestly attire that any romantic subplot would feel kinda icky.

Visually speaking, the movie looks great. The director has a good idea of how to use light and shadow and how to create a compelling onscreen picture, and the scenery is appropriately rustic-European-chic. Colin O'Donoghue is passable in the lead role, but is overshadowed by Anthony Hopkins because come on, it's Anthony freaking Hopkins. The plot seems flawed in a few places (e.g., why would demons be so intent on making Kovak believe in them when it's clearly to their advantage to have him not become a badass exorcist?) and there are a few things that could definitely have been explored in greater depth (e.g. Kovak's relationship with his father), but I actually enjoyed the movie a lot, despite its imperfections. The thing I liked most about the movie is that it understands that the supernatural isn't always shit-your-pants scary; sometimes it's just coming back home to find your room full of frogs for no goddamn reason--and as anyone who reads Hellboy or H. P. Lovecraft should know, frogs are BAD FUCKING NEWS.

I dunno. Maybe it's a Catholic thing, but I rather like all the holy water and crucifixes and chanting in Latin. Exorcists basically go toe-to-toe with demons armed with little other than their faith and their massive balls, and I find that to be pretty awesome. I'd totally go into that line of work, but according to an official statement from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, "That shit would be so badass" is apparently not a valid reason for entering the priesthood.

You learn something new every day, I guess.