So, this has come up in conversation several times recently, and I feel like it's something I should make an official statement on:
I hate the Midwest and it can go to hell.
There, I said it. And before anyone gets all offended, I would just like to point out that this view does not reflect on people who live there; rather, it reflects on the land itself. It is a piss-poor excuse for a geographical region and it should be ashamed of itself.
Why, you ask?
Because it's so unnaturally fucking flat. There are no hills. There are barely any trees. It's all just gently rolling fields of wheat and corn as far as the eye can see and it makes me want to shoot myself in the face. It's as if God was creating the world and suddenly ran out of ideas. "Screw it," he said. "I'll just make this part flat. It's not like anyone will notice." Well you were wrong, God. I notice, and it's terrible.
As if the flawless logic of my argument weren't already evident, take a moment and ponder the fact that the unusual flatness of the terrain directly contributes to the number of devastating tornadoes that go through the region every year. I mean, honestly - why the fuck anyone would live in a place known as "Tornado Alley" is beyond me. That's like moving to a place called "Murder Town" and being surprised when someone shanks you in the kidney so he can get the five cent deposit on that can of soda you just finished. (No offense to anyone who lives in Baltimore.)
God, I hate the Midwest.
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